Debbie's Blog Babble

 To whoever is listening: I'm unhappy. I just am. I don't want to sound like a pathetic person, but I honestly feel unwanted. I really really do. How many excuses can I make? You did it because you may have been bored or mad at me? That can't be it. Would it be different if it was fresh with someone new or is it the truth? Do you really feel the way you do and lack the joy and also desire? I know the amazing things I do have but then I cry. I don't want to cry. I don't want to feel hated or for anyone to be annoyed by me. I don't know what to do. I really don't. I just can't keep getting hurt every week. Is it also how I look? If I wore something different? Should I keep blaming myself? I'm scared. I feel like I need to suck it up and just put up with it. Saying something isn't working. It's me. I'm sorry. I have to fix this a different way. 

To whoever is listening: Usually.. well, pretty much each day.. I feel this overwhelming sadness. Have you ever had days where you feel like you can cry at any moment? Yep, that's me.  I will sometimes stop myself and "remember people love you" just until someone reminds me that they don't. Yep, that's me too. I feel like I'm begging for love. Just to have someone actually like me and want to hear what I have to say.. just something. Am I only loveable if I'm quiet? How can someone love me if they don't want to know me? I miss my kitty. He always wanted to hear what I had to say. A cat. A CAT! The worst things I think about myself might actually be true and I try and talk myself out of it because the memes say I shouldn't feel that way or it isn't true. What if it is? I make promises of being quiet that I don't keep, so.