IF

 To whoever is listening:

I'm unhappy. I just am. I don't want to sound like a pathetic person, but I honestly feel unwanted. I really really do. How many excuses can I make? You did it because you may have been bored or mad at me? That can't be it. Would it be different if it was fresh with someone new or is it the truth? Do you really feel the way you do and lack the joy and also desire? I know the amazing things I do have but then I cry. I don't want to cry. I don't want to feel hated or for anyone to be annoyed by me. I don't know what to do. I really don't. I just can't keep getting hurt every week. Is it also how I look? If I wore something different? Should I keep blaming myself? I'm scared. I feel like I need to suck it up and just put up with it. Saying something isn't working. It's me. I'm sorry. I have to fix this a different way. 

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