performing

To anyone listening,

There is a 10 minute scene project that my old director would like me to do.  It is supposed to be casual so even if I have to look at my script, he says it's ok.  Well, there was some issues with it and my partner *rolling eyes* but he may have found me a new partner.  My dear friend Kevin wrote the whole play but I honestly don't know if I can do it the justice it deserves. It has a lot of highs and lows and is a powerful scene... thoughts?:

SARAH: Hi.

GREG: Hi.

SARAH: Your father kept you late again?

GREG: Yes. This case is forcing us to pull some really long hours. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t killing me.  How is he?

SARAH: Just put him down. Want some wine? I opened a bottle.

GREG: Yes, please.

SARAH: I have some spaghetti in the fridge. I’ll reheat some.

GREG: Nah, they fed us at the office.

(pause)

SARAH: You could’ve called then.

GREG: I know, I’m sorry.  It’s just this case is really brutal.  My father has me pulling these crazy hours, I don’t eat much, I don’t sleep.  These pills don’t help me sleep either.

SARAH: Can’t you tell your father that you have a one year old at home that would like to see his daddy? A wife even?

GREG: Have you met my father? His life is work. Always has been.  He doesn’t care if I have one or ten children.

(SARAH hands him the wine)

Thanks.  So, how was your day?

SARAH: Tommy has been quite a handful today. Just crying more than usual. I finally got him to settle down. So don’t get too loud or it’s your turn if he starts crying again.

GREG: Sounds good.

(they both sit on the couch)

SARAH: So… talk to me.

GREG: About what?

SARAH: I don’t know. Anything. Life.

GREG: What about it?

SARAH: Well, that’s what I want to know.

GREG: Nothing crazy. Same old stuff, I guess. I wish I had more of an exciting answer for you.

SARAH: I don’t know how you put up with those long hours like that.

GREG: I don’t have a choice but to “put up” with it.

SARAH: You’re miserable.

GREG: Of course I’m miserable. That’s what happens when you’re the only person working to support a family.

SARAH: What?

GREG: It’s a lot of stress. A lot of pressure.  I said I don’t sleep. Some nights I just kind of wander around the apartment.  Thinking about-I don’t know-things.

SARAH: We agreed it would be better for me to stay home with the baby than to go back to work.

GREG: I know.  I’m not suggesting that you-

SARAH: Do you think I just sit around all day having cheese and wine while watching soaps and gabbing on the phone with “the girls”?

GREG: I don’t know what you do.

SARAH: I take care of our son.  That’s what I do. And it’s a full time job.

GREG: I didn’t mean to offend you.

SARAH: And you might not be able to sleep, but neither can I.  I’m up and down with Tommy most nights. Do I ever wake you to take care of him?

GREG: No.

SARAH: That’s because I know you have a stressful job, and I’m just trying to do my part. We all have pressure. Just don’t act like you’re the only person that feels a little inconvenienced.

GREG: I’m sorry.

(pause)

SARAH: Your mother came over today.  Unannounced, of course.

GREG: Oh god.  What did she want?

SARAH: She wanted to see Tommy.  She’s been coming over more and more lately to see the baby.

GREG: So you want me to tell her to stop coming? Nothing would give me greater pleasure.

SARAH: It would be nice to have some notice is all. I don’t know, do you-well-do you get the feeling that-god, this is so stupid. Do you get the feeling that your mother only cares about Tommy because he’s a boy?

GREG: What? Why?

SARAH: I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me being paranoid. It’s this feeling that I get. She holds him and she whispers strange things to him.  It’s like she’s planned out his life already or something.

GREG: What does she say?

SARAH: It’s stupid really. Well-she says “we have something planned for you” and “good boys follow tradition.” Things like that.  I don’t know why it should bother me so much, but it does. You don’t have anything planned with your mother do you? Something that I should know about?

GREG: What? No.  Our little man can be whatever he wants to be.

SARAH: Okay. I just wasn’t sure.

GREG: My mother is a delusional woman with nothing else better to do with her time than to come down here and annoy you.

SARAH: Sometimes I don’t mind it. I mean, you’ve been absent a lot, it’s nice to see someone I know.  A friendly face.  Well, a face anyway.

GREG: Absent.

SARAH: Yes. I mean, even when you’re here. You’re not really here.

GREG: Jesus. I get home from work and you’re just waiting for me to come back with a machine gun in your hands. I’m too tired for this.

SARAH: I don’t mean to sound like I’m attacking you.  I just think we should talk.

GREG: About what?

SARAH: About us. (pause) Greg, when was the last time we made love?

GREG: I don’t know.

SARAH: Four months and a week.

GREG: Wow, I didn’t realize you’d be keeping some kind of tally.

SARAH: Not a tally. It’s just fact. We don’t even kiss anymore. We don’t really acknowledge each other anymore. You come home and it’s like we’re just two people who happen to live together.

GREG: It’s hard for me to get in the mood. I have too much on my mind. And when things are swimming around in my mind, I find it hard to… perform.

SARAH: Well, you’ve kind of always had that problem.

GREG: Excuse me?

SARAH: I just don’t feel like you get aroused. Am I doing something wrong? Is there something I could do better? I know it’s a difficult subject for you, but we have to talk about it.

GREG: Well, I don’t want to talk about it with you.

SARAH: It’s not just the sex

GREG: Oh, there’s more. That’s great.

SARAH: I can’t keep doing this anymore. The same cycle over and over again.  You wake up, you go to work, you come home, we go to sleep. I can’t.  This life might have been fine for your mother, but it’s not fine for me. I married a husband so that I could share my life with him. Instead I’m here in the apartment..alone. Taking care of our baby… alone. It’s just getting old is all I’m saying.

GREG: I have to work. I’m a lawyer.  This is what lawyers do.

SARAH: You wanted to be a writer. You were happiest when you were a writer. You’re a happy writer and a miserable lawyer.

GREG: I’m not a writer.

SARAH: No, you were a writer.  When you would talk about your stories you used to beam so brightly.  You were so passionate. 

GREG: I needed to provide for my family.  I had to make a choice.

SARAH: Then you chose wrong.  Because I know deep down you resent the fact that you haven’t written a damn thing in years. Because I know this wasn’t your choice. It was your mothers’. You didn’t want any of this for yourself.

GREG: Wait, what are we talking about now? My job or us?

(pause)

SARAH: I don’t know. Both? I don’t know.  You walk around like you’re just dead inside. And every time I see you, I feel it.  Tommy feels it. It radiates off of you, and it effects everyone else. How much longer can we go on living like this?

(Greg has no response) Exactly.  I don’t have the answers either..

GREG: You don’t think I care about us?

SARAH: Sometimes I really wonder about that, Greg. I know you work hard for us. But money isn’t everything.  Though, I find it interesting that ever since Tommy was born your father has been giving us more money. Like a bribe or something.

GREG: What do you want me to say?

SARAH: Damn it! I want you to be honest with me.  For once be honest with me. Sometimes I think I’m just another pawn in your chess game.

GREG: What did you say?

SARAH: Is it true?

GREG: Where did you hear that? Have you been talking to my mother?

SARAH: Is it true?! Is this the only reason I’m here because I fit into your mother’s plans? (pause) Why am I in your life?

GREG: You’ve always meant so much to me.

SARAH: Why am I in your life Greg?

GREG: Because I love you

SARAH: Fine. But are you in love with me?

GREG: I told you I loved you, didn’t I?

SARAH: Loving someone and being in love with someone are two completely different things.  You love friends, you used to love writing, but are you in love with me?

GREG: I care about you so much. And I do love you.

SARAH: You’re avoiding my question.

GREG: I’m trying to answer it in the best way I know how!

SARAH: Greg, it’s ok. I know your answer. I’ve been having this feeling for quite some time. I just never knew how to bring it up.

(pause)

GREG: Sarah-

SARAH: Maybe we did just jump into this marriage too soon. We thought it could work.  You don’t have to feel bad. You’re just confirming what I already knew. Your mother pushed you into getting engaged, didn’t she?

GREG: No! She didn’t push me!

SARAH: I knew we got engaged so fast because dear old mommy wanted it. She threatened you, didn’t she?

GREG: She didn’t-

SARAH: She did. And you know she did. Why can’t you tell me the truth?!

GREG: Because the truth will hurt you and I’m trying not to hurt-

SARAH: I’m already hurt so fire away

GREG: I’m not doing this now

SARAH: You are to doing this now! I’m not waiting another second for the truth.  I’ve waited too long for this! I’m going to hear it all right now.  Right now, damn it!

(long pause)

GREG: Yes, my mother pushed me into it alright?! (pause) She said I would get a big raise if I proposed that night. She had already bought the ring before I got there. (pause) But I did want this. I did want a family and security. So it was my chance. But I don’t regret any of it, Sarah. And now we have Tommy, and he is amazing. We can work on things.

SARAH: But you’re not in love with me Greg. How can we continue on knowing that? You barely touch me anymore. Do you know how hard that is for me? You make me feel so ugly.

GREG: You’re perfect. It’s me that’s the problem.

SARAH: I don’t believe you. I just want to know what I did, Greg? What did I do to make you hate me?!

GREG: I can’t talk about this, please!

SARAH: What did I do?!?

GREG: I’m gay!! Alright?!

(pause)

SARAH: What?

GREG: I’m a gay man living a big lie. So, it’s not you. You haven’t done anything wrong. But I can’t let you keep blaming yourself. It’s not fair to you, and I care about you too much to keep lying. I’m to blame. Everything is my fault. Everything.

SARAH: You’re gay?...

GREG: I’m gay.

SARAH: You always knew that about yourself?

GREG: Yes. I tried to ignore it.

SARAH: You made me believe that- I can’t believe this whole thing was a lie. Everything is just one big fucking lie!

GREG: I thought- I thought you would feel better knowing it wasn’t you.

SARAH: You thought I would feel better? Feel better?! You knew you were gay the whole time and for two years I thought it was me! You made me believe there was something wrong with me. I gave birth to our child!! Oh my god! You are a fucking monster!! You never wanted to touch me and I could never understand what I did that made you hate me so much!! You raped me of a happy life with someone that would actually want me, don’t you understand that? All that “we’ll leap together” bullshit. I leaped, and you just watched me fall. I was so stupid!

GREG: I love our son!

SARAH: You love yourself! It’s the only thing you’ve ever really cared about. Wait until your mother finds out about you. What’s gonna happen then?!

GREG: She already knows.

SARAH: What? How- how does she know?

GREG: She just does.

SARAH: How does she know?!?

GREG: She found me-she-she saw me in bed with another man.

SARAH: When?!

GREG: It was a long time ago.

SARAH: When?!!!

GREG: The morning after- I can’t.

SARAH: The morning after what?!

GREG: The morning after I proposed.

SARAH: You propose to me, and then the next morning, you go-no, probably not the next morning, he probably came over as soon as I left. Is that it? “The fiancé just left so get on up here for a good time?! Let’s all make a fool out of Sarah, she’s real stupid, she wouldn’t suspect a thing!”

GREG: I wasn’t thinking.

SARAH: You were thinking very clearly. I’m sure of that. You disgust me. I’m leaving with Tommy.

GREG: Wait a second! That is my son too!

SARAH: Yes. He is your son but he won’t be.

GREG: What the hell are you talking about?

SARAH: Oh! Now you’re fighting for someone?! You get to finally pretend that you care? No. That’s not how this is going to go.

GREG: I won’t let you take my son away.

SARAH: To be clear, I’m taking Tommy out of here and I’ll have my lawyer call your lawyer in the morning. And as a lawyer, I’m sure you can figure out what that means. And if you don’t stop fighting me about Tommy, I will make sure I get full custody of him in the divorce. All I have to do is tell them that my husband is gay and was lying to all of us from the start, and they’ll give me full custody of Tommy so fast you won’t know what hit you.

GREG: We can talk this out

SARAH: We’ve done enough talking. I hope you get whatever it is you want in life. Goodbye, Greg.

GREG: Please, let me say goodbye to Tommy.

(Greg left alone collapses on the couch. End scene.)