Debbie's Blog Babble

 To anyone that's listening, I can honestly say, other then one very small snag, I had a great weekend. I actually felt like I might have made someone else a little happy too (?) Thank you.. It was really nice to be able to say that. I haven't had it in a long time. I hope you did too. I miss it already. I have to go back to the cleaning the downstairs and I have to look up some up some stuff. Sometimes I like that and other times not so much. Depending on how much my body can do today, I hope to do some of the rowing machine. We keep spending money and we don't have anyone to buy for but ourselves but I guess sometimes, although you might end up regretting it lol, you have to live life a little for yourselves too. We are going to the Van Gogh exhibit on next week in the city. Hopefully the city won't ruin the weekend and moods will stay positive again so we can enjoy something beautiful. My husband mentioned it before and I forgot that he did.. I feel so bad. I guess w...

 To anyone who's listening: UGHHHHHH I'm having a very hard time getting these past mistakes thoughts out of my head. I've asked for forgiveness and for God to take the thoughts away, but I can't tell if I'm the one bringing things back to the surface ..but I am haunted by them every single day. I just want to scream. I just want to have nice weekends. Is that too much to ask? I'm getting tired of unhappiness those days. I have enough during the week. I just need a freaking break. Maybe I would feel better.. I have no idea. I also constantly feel guilty for being on disability. This was never where I thought I would be in my life. I even looked into a part time job so I wouldn't look like I was "stealing from the government." (Insert different ways of saying that) but that was discouraged. Then some people either need to be more supportive or stop making me feel like even less. I'm just getting angrier about it. Like really really angry. I don...

 To Whoever is Listening: Wow. I can't believe it's been since the summer of 2020 since I wrote. I probably lost a lot of people who used to read this blog.  I have a list of things to do, but instead I'm here writing. I needed to for some odd reason. I have some amazing people in my life right now that I don't deserve. Before my surgery, I went on short walks to Faith's bench and I would listen to my Christian music and talk to God. I would sit on her bench and talk to her. I would pray for her and that I hope she is in Heaven with Jesus. I would thank God for letting me hold her. I would walk back home after crying my tears. I would walk back and pray to God for forgiveness of things I've done. Every single day I did this. I remember one day just feeling like God told me that He has forgiven me for that, why am I still asking. I feel so so far from God's love, but I pray a little everyday. Usually I cry once just asking God if I can still get into Heaven w...