adoption

To anyone listening,

I grew up in a home with no mom and an abusive father.  We spent a little bit of time in foster homes.  One of the foster homes would hit us and I remember specifically being forced to eat duck and I threw up and was forced to eat that too.

I remember at that moment wanting to adopt.  I so desperately wanted to help kids.  I didn't understand how people like that could be foster parents.  Thankfully they had their license taken away.  Even during that time, I briefly considered being a foster parent until my next foster home...

I ended up being taken away from that foster home.  I remember sitting on their couch quietly holding a melting cup of ice cream they had given me.  My head was down and I was shaking.  I didn't know what to expect.

They ended up being the greatest thing that happened to me as a child.  To this day, I still miss them.  They read books to me.  Their older daughter let me play with her Barbie dolls.  The family was vegetarians and I remember loving vegetables and I still don't like red meat.  I like fish, chicken, and everything plain.  That, again, is another story.  The son played with Legos and would let me play too.  I never dreamed a family could be so great and loving.  I was drawn to them.  They bought me little dresses, Hungry Hungry Hippos, stuffed animals, and a little bear pin holding balloons which I still have.. and I felt really loved there.  I wanted so much for them to adopt me.

Eventually I was taken away from them and I remember in the car the song Stand By Me playing and we were all crying.  To this day, it is my favorite song because it was the last one I heard with them.  My favorite number is 5 because that's how old I was with them.  I wanted them to adopt me.  I still wish they did.  I love my siblings and had I not lived the life I did, I wouldn't be with Dustin now.  I know it was meant to be this way but I will always wonder.. what if. 

I have been drawn to many moms and families who I have wished to adopt me, wished they were my own.  Luckily I have come across some amazing people and I married into a big family. I will still miss that family forever though and wish I could thank them now.  They will never know what they did for me.  They gave me hope.

I knew after them I wanted to adopt.  I wanted to help a child.  I didn't want to be a foster parent after seeing the pain it caused people to let them go.  I don't think I could live my life like that.  God bless the good foster parents out there.  I hope they know the kind of impact they can have.

It is so sad how much adoption costs.  It really is.  Kids need good homes while so many are just born into horrible homes.  It isn't right.  I pray one day God leads me to the right choice, the right finances, and the right child.