can't get out of bed

To anyone listening,

Today is one of the days where I don't want to get out of bed.  I see a huge list of things that need to be done around the house and usually I like to do it but right now I can't find the strength inside of me to get up and say "let's clean up!"  I'm not sure where that feeling has gone but now all I feel is a lazy, useless piece of nothing.

I want to get up.  I even try and I do a few things but then just want to crawl immediately back under the covers.  Does it get any easier?  I'm sure at some point.  It's been a month and in my head I think I should be getting over this and moving on.  At least I should be moving on to a normal life.  I am so overweight and sometimes I care and other times I really don't.

I applied for disability back on October.  I am still fighting for it.  I have been in extreme amounts of pain since my surgery last year and on top of that, struggle from lots of mental illnesses as well which this whole thing hasn't helped.

I miss doing makeup sometimes and then other times I remember how bad I was at it and how much better I should be by now and I'm not.  I see the girls I worked with at MAC and some men and their talent is unbelievable.  I can't even imagine what that is like to do makeup so effortlessly.  They can make each brush stroke look like airbrush perfection.  If anything, I felt less capable then I used to at MAC.  I loved it there but an encounter with someone early on left me shaken.  I wish it didn't but it did.  It's been 8 months and the woman still can't stand me. 

Sigh...

Well, she can join the club of people that can't. 

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