Friendship
To anyone listening,
Everyday I get an inspiration quote sent to me. Today's was "A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow."
Yesterday Dustin and I had the honor of seeing a long time friend of mine and a new friend to Dustin, Pastor Kris. There were things I know Dustin really liked about him and I wondered how different his life would have been had he had him as a youth pastor. I had the fortune to have Kris as my youth pastor. At one point he asked the inevitable question about how we were doing after the baby. I remember thinking... I want you to pray for me, I want to be with you all again right now, I want a hug from Rachael and your adorable kids and how lucky he was to have all that. I thought maybe just praying on my own instead of at a church caused this to happen even though I don't believe that to be true. I believe God is still listening to me. That I'm not alone. He had asked if we were talking to anyone about it to help us through it (not verbatim). I told him about my doctor and seeing a psychiatrist at the end of the month but I also told him about my past with therapy. After he left, and even now, I kept thinking if I should be seeing someone like at church. Dustin and I usually don't like to be in groups our age but tend to gravitate towards people older than us as far as groups go. I have been wondering if that is what I should be doing. Is that the answer I wish I had when he asked? Who do I need besides Dustin, my friends, and God? I need something else... I know I do. But what?
Yesterday was also the day my baby shower was supposed to be and I felt it was perfect to go out with Pastor Kris. His family does such wonderful things in Haiti and there is a way Kris talks that you can tell he is close to God. I have rarely met people like that and he is definitely one whom I just feel his closeness to God. I wanted to go to the church he was at today just to see someone I need again. I didn't want to go alone. I didn't go and now I think I should have. I should have prayed for THEM. Every time I see them, it's about me but they are humans too. They have hard times and good times and struggles like everyone else. I pray for them when I'm alone but why can't I when they are right in front of me? I feel like I'm going to say something stupid most of the time. In the end I am thankful for my friendship with that family. I am thankful they are still in my life. I am thankful they got to meet Dustin. They have seen me in some hard times including relationships as a teenager and even early twenties and I feel that they still love me. True friendship can survive no matter how much time passed and be there for hard times, be there for good times and celebrate them with you. They let me slowly grow but are there if I need someone to catch me even when they have their hands full of catching so many others. They don't judge me. Being with them makes me feel just a little closer to God. My heart has been so broken lately. Then I am reminded of those in need and the bigger issues of the world. No matter where someone is, there are broken hearts. I am just thankful I have some people in my life to help me put the pieces back together again.We all have a little Humpty Dumpty in us I guess.
Everyday I get an inspiration quote sent to me. Today's was "A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow."
Yesterday Dustin and I had the honor of seeing a long time friend of mine and a new friend to Dustin, Pastor Kris. There were things I know Dustin really liked about him and I wondered how different his life would have been had he had him as a youth pastor. I had the fortune to have Kris as my youth pastor. At one point he asked the inevitable question about how we were doing after the baby. I remember thinking... I want you to pray for me, I want to be with you all again right now, I want a hug from Rachael and your adorable kids and how lucky he was to have all that. I thought maybe just praying on my own instead of at a church caused this to happen even though I don't believe that to be true. I believe God is still listening to me. That I'm not alone. He had asked if we were talking to anyone about it to help us through it (not verbatim). I told him about my doctor and seeing a psychiatrist at the end of the month but I also told him about my past with therapy. After he left, and even now, I kept thinking if I should be seeing someone like at church. Dustin and I usually don't like to be in groups our age but tend to gravitate towards people older than us as far as groups go. I have been wondering if that is what I should be doing. Is that the answer I wish I had when he asked? Who do I need besides Dustin, my friends, and God? I need something else... I know I do. But what?
Yesterday was also the day my baby shower was supposed to be and I felt it was perfect to go out with Pastor Kris. His family does such wonderful things in Haiti and there is a way Kris talks that you can tell he is close to God. I have rarely met people like that and he is definitely one whom I just feel his closeness to God. I wanted to go to the church he was at today just to see someone I need again. I didn't want to go alone. I didn't go and now I think I should have. I should have prayed for THEM. Every time I see them, it's about me but they are humans too. They have hard times and good times and struggles like everyone else. I pray for them when I'm alone but why can't I when they are right in front of me? I feel like I'm going to say something stupid most of the time. In the end I am thankful for my friendship with that family. I am thankful they are still in my life. I am thankful they got to meet Dustin. They have seen me in some hard times including relationships as a teenager and even early twenties and I feel that they still love me. True friendship can survive no matter how much time passed and be there for hard times, be there for good times and celebrate them with you. They let me slowly grow but are there if I need someone to catch me even when they have their hands full of catching so many others. They don't judge me. Being with them makes me feel just a little closer to God. My heart has been so broken lately. Then I am reminded of those in need and the bigger issues of the world. No matter where someone is, there are broken hearts. I am just thankful I have some people in my life to help me put the pieces back together again.We all have a little Humpty Dumpty in us I guess.
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