Occupied

To anyone listening,

I find it is getting harder to keep my brain occupied.  The only thing that seems to keep my brain occupied are bills, health problems, and well, that's pretty much it.

I love my friends.  I'm not sure how I would have come along this way without them.  I love my family too who have been more than supportive and caring throughout this whole process.  It's been 2 months today but it feels like two weeks ago.  UGH!  How do I get my brain to stop thinking about what if?  What if I were pregnant right now?  How would the shower have gone?  Would I have seen all my friends as they touched my baby belly with a little one moving inside?  Would it look like me?  Would it look like Dustin?  Would it look like a relative from 2 generations ago?

I can't sleep.  I lay on the pillow sometimes for hours with either my last job running through my head, money, what I did or said wrong that day, my health, or usually Faith.

I don't know.  One thing at a time I guess.  I want to take this time to audition for plays or work out but having leg issues, those go out the window.  I started thinking about doing makeup again even though MAC shook me up about it. 

I am still waiting for the doctor now so I have to go.  That's what blogs are for, right?  To get some feelings out?  Gosh, I hope so and I hope it helps.


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