Debbie's Blog Babble

To anyone listening, I can't seem to get my cat off of me when I'm near a computer.  Not sure why she loves it so much. Anyway, I have been seeing the therapist (I believe this was my 3rd session).  2 of the 3 times she cried and I didn't.  I'm not sure what that means.  Anywho, she had me write down "I am far greater.." on a paper and frame it.  It is in my bathroom.  I figured I would put it where I would first see it and near the mirror.  I have a very low self esteem which keeps me from doing a lot of things.  Heck, the whole time I've been in this show, I have been thinking about how much fatter than my partner I am and how everyone will notice or how all the other actresses are so good that I can't compare.  All but 1 woman who seems to be struggling.  I actually feel bad for her.  I heard she is in 3 shows so maybe that's why.  Anyway, all the other girls are tremendous.  I am babbling again which I ...

To anyone listening, I can't say I have enjoyed the rehearsal time on this play and last time my partner, who has been having issues all week  and telling me he had all of these questions for the director,  decided he should direct me when the director was there which was not cool at all. Suddenly he was perfect and no questions for the director so I had to ask some for him or else it would be awkward.  I just wish it wasn't me that had to ask all of the questions. I would say I have my lines memorized but now they are getting stale.  I'm trying to switch it up each time but it's hard.  The other day at rehearsal my medication was making me so warm I had to leave mid rehearsal to just wipe my face off.  I was honestly having so many health issues, it's amazing I got through the rehearsal. Let's just hope I get through the performances.  I don't think we are at all ready to go one stage with everyone on Tuesday but we don't have a choice. Anyway...

To anyone listening, Yesterday was hard.  It was hard.  It didn't help that I received a congratulations email from Parents.com or that I happened to receive a box of free formula. My friends were so amazing.  I posted on FB not for pity but for help.  I needed my friends and I am truly thankful they were there for me. I am someone who reaches out for a hug, for a laugh, for a loving thought.  Dustin tends to deal with stuff on his own so he doesn't understand why I need that but it is hard to explain other than I just need it. The lanterns are still lit today.  I am having a hard time turning them off... That's all I can say about that.. Today I will clean the upstairs bathroom, fold clothes, go over lines, and then I will get ready for karaoke tonight.  I really hope Dustin and I can soon visit our friend Jason at his new job but I'm pretty sure he is at his other one during the weekend.  A sweet girl from the show and I were talking on...

To anyone listening, It's been a while since I posted.  It is hard to get my feelings out lately. My unemployment ran out so tightening the belt more until either we move or I get disability.  If I get denied again for it, then job hunting I go.  For now, we will be in a funk.  Hopefully it won't last forever. I am on medication and still seeing a psychiatrist.  I have to find another therapist who takes our insurance.  Anyway, that being said, I cried in her office yesterday for no apparent reason.  I pulled myself together very quickly but inside I was thinking "ugh, just someone help me."  I was telling myself STOP acting like this you big baby.  What is wrong with you?! My days seem to go by faster than before.  It could be because of the play.  I'm really trying to memorize my lines but then something creeps in there, in my mind and I get confused.  It isn't even like a big part with lots of lines.  It's one sce...