Busy

To anyone listening,

I can't seem to get my cat off of me when I'm near a computer.  Not sure why she loves it so much.
Anyway, I have been seeing the therapist (I believe this was my 3rd session).  2 of the 3 times she cried and I didn't.  I'm not sure what that means.  Anywho, she had me write down "I am far greater.." on a paper and frame it.  It is in my bathroom.  I figured I would put it where I would first see it and near the mirror.  I have a very low self esteem which keeps me from doing a lot of things.  Heck, the whole time I've been in this show, I have been thinking about how much fatter than my partner I am and how everyone will notice or how all the other actresses are so good that I can't compare.  All but 1 woman who seems to be struggling.  I actually feel bad for her.  I heard she is in 3 shows so maybe that's why.  Anyway, all the other girls are tremendous. 

I am babbling again which I guess is the reason for this..

I have another doctor's appointment next week.  I wish they could figure out what was wrong with me.  I am always tired or weak.  I need to sit down a lot when I feel my legs tingle like they will give out.  It stinks because I just want to do so much around the house but I know it wouldn't be smart.

I miss feeling comfortable leaving the house.  Then financial things keep going wrong and all I want to do is adopt.  I hear my family history or my health history might effect that as well as Dustin's.  There is so much to go through just to adopt.  It's sad.  I keep thinking about us being here, struggling financially, and there are kids out there miserable but we can't adopt them.  The world is a messed up place sometimes.

If anyone is a praying person, please keep us in your prayers and help me to come back to God 100%.  Not just 20% or when I need Him the most but I realized that was when I loved myself the most too, was when I was close to Him.  Dustin said he loved that about me.  The fact that I wanted to be good and be close to God.  I loved that about me too.

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