How was Thanksgiving
To anyone listening,
I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. I ended up staying home in case Dustin didn't get called out. I was happy I did because I was able to cook and Dustin and I had dinner together before he was called out.
I posted on Facebook about being thankful today and looking at my Facebook wall just made me sad so I decided to write things I was thankful for instead.
I saw a lot of children and a lot of big family dinners. It all kind of made me sad. I am truly happy for those that have that but it would be nice to have loving parents and have my whole family talking to each other so we can all meet for Thanksgiving. I love the idea of big Thanksgiving dinners or Christmas dinners with family or friends. I would love to throw a Friendsgiving but we couldn't afford it this year or else I would have. I think my friends are my family too and it hurts when I can't be with them too.
Sometimes I think what if it is just me and Dustin forever? Would I be ok with that? Most of the time I am but once in a while the thought of not having a child or grandchildren at the table makes me sad. I often wonder if having Faith would have made a difference with family or just with me and Dustin. Well, I know things would have been different but I wonder in what way. With all our struggles this year, what would it have been like to have a little baby watching my Thanksgiving traditions with me or making a little ornament with some paint on a hand and making a little hand stamp on it.
People say that people that don't have kids are selfish but I definitely disagree with that. People have their reasons. Heck Dustin and I didn't want one of our own because there are so many kids that need homes that we didn't want to add but to help with the ones that are already out there. Now with the money issue, we might not be able to help them either. It is all so sad and messed up. I think about those kids having like an orphanage Thanksgiving or Christmas. It just isn't the same. It isn't just those two days of the year though but all year. They should wake up in their own bed, a parent who reads to them, arms to hold them when they are sad, and parents to make fun of when they are teenagers. Every kid deserves that lol. But seriously, I hope every child has something to be thankful for. Growing up, I didn't have much to be thankful for but my friends. I think about my close friends and where I would be without them. It is amazing what 2 or 3 close people can do to change your life. I might not have kids to hold and to love on but when I do love someone, I love them with all I have.
I don't deserve the love I do get. I am annoying and whiny and can't shut up when I should (thanks blog lol) but I have so much love to give. When I tell someone I love them, I do. Love doesn't mean perfection all the time, it doesn't mean there won't be problems, it means I will love you no matter what comes. Love is very different from like. Sometimes you don't always like the ones you love but love itself should be able to conquer obstacles even when they are hard to get through. When you stop loving someone, where does the love go? The people I have left in my life I have had ups and downs with and when the downs come, we get through it and get stronger from them. When the hard times make us weaker and pulls us apart, those are the people I have to question.
There isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful for Dustin. Even when we are fighting, I still want to be close to him. I'm sure he wants me far away lol but I just want to be near so that the moment we make up, I don't miss time with him.
It hurts loving people that you can't be with for whatever reason. It hurts when people say they love you but walk away so easily. It hurts when you love people who don't love you back. In the end though, God's will be done. All I can do is pray. Pray for us, my enemies, my friends and my family.
My anniversary is the date that Faith passed away on. I wonder everyday what she would look like.. what she would be like.. would she act like Dustin or like me.. would the cats love her or be jealous (jealous).. would she be fun to Christmas shop for even if she was just a few months old.
I know Faith was my last chance to have a biological child but who knows. God has more control than anything and miracles happen.
God is stronger than money and if God wills it, I pray we get to the point of adoption. God brought us this house to raise a child in. I really feel it and felt it when we bought the house so I will wonder if I am going against His will by not having one or does it mean one might still come.
Ok, I'm rambling. All that to say is that I hope everyone finds thanks in something and actually in everything.
I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. I ended up staying home in case Dustin didn't get called out. I was happy I did because I was able to cook and Dustin and I had dinner together before he was called out.
I posted on Facebook about being thankful today and looking at my Facebook wall just made me sad so I decided to write things I was thankful for instead.
I saw a lot of children and a lot of big family dinners. It all kind of made me sad. I am truly happy for those that have that but it would be nice to have loving parents and have my whole family talking to each other so we can all meet for Thanksgiving. I love the idea of big Thanksgiving dinners or Christmas dinners with family or friends. I would love to throw a Friendsgiving but we couldn't afford it this year or else I would have. I think my friends are my family too and it hurts when I can't be with them too.
Sometimes I think what if it is just me and Dustin forever? Would I be ok with that? Most of the time I am but once in a while the thought of not having a child or grandchildren at the table makes me sad. I often wonder if having Faith would have made a difference with family or just with me and Dustin. Well, I know things would have been different but I wonder in what way. With all our struggles this year, what would it have been like to have a little baby watching my Thanksgiving traditions with me or making a little ornament with some paint on a hand and making a little hand stamp on it.
People say that people that don't have kids are selfish but I definitely disagree with that. People have their reasons. Heck Dustin and I didn't want one of our own because there are so many kids that need homes that we didn't want to add but to help with the ones that are already out there. Now with the money issue, we might not be able to help them either. It is all so sad and messed up. I think about those kids having like an orphanage Thanksgiving or Christmas. It just isn't the same. It isn't just those two days of the year though but all year. They should wake up in their own bed, a parent who reads to them, arms to hold them when they are sad, and parents to make fun of when they are teenagers. Every kid deserves that lol. But seriously, I hope every child has something to be thankful for. Growing up, I didn't have much to be thankful for but my friends. I think about my close friends and where I would be without them. It is amazing what 2 or 3 close people can do to change your life. I might not have kids to hold and to love on but when I do love someone, I love them with all I have.
I don't deserve the love I do get. I am annoying and whiny and can't shut up when I should (thanks blog lol) but I have so much love to give. When I tell someone I love them, I do. Love doesn't mean perfection all the time, it doesn't mean there won't be problems, it means I will love you no matter what comes. Love is very different from like. Sometimes you don't always like the ones you love but love itself should be able to conquer obstacles even when they are hard to get through. When you stop loving someone, where does the love go? The people I have left in my life I have had ups and downs with and when the downs come, we get through it and get stronger from them. When the hard times make us weaker and pulls us apart, those are the people I have to question.
There isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful for Dustin. Even when we are fighting, I still want to be close to him. I'm sure he wants me far away lol but I just want to be near so that the moment we make up, I don't miss time with him.
It hurts loving people that you can't be with for whatever reason. It hurts when people say they love you but walk away so easily. It hurts when you love people who don't love you back. In the end though, God's will be done. All I can do is pray. Pray for us, my enemies, my friends and my family.
My anniversary is the date that Faith passed away on. I wonder everyday what she would look like.. what she would be like.. would she act like Dustin or like me.. would the cats love her or be jealous (jealous).. would she be fun to Christmas shop for even if she was just a few months old.
I know Faith was my last chance to have a biological child but who knows. God has more control than anything and miracles happen.
God is stronger than money and if God wills it, I pray we get to the point of adoption. God brought us this house to raise a child in. I really feel it and felt it when we bought the house so I will wonder if I am going against His will by not having one or does it mean one might still come.
Ok, I'm rambling. All that to say is that I hope everyone finds thanks in something and actually in everything.
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