stir crazy
To anyone listening,
I never thought I would say this, but I miss work. I don't miss where I did work necessarily because quite honestly it was time to move on a LONG time before I did. I miss the extra money. I miss the social interactions. I miss my old friends who worked there. I am thankful I got to do the play which, if I was still working, I wouldn't have been able to do. I am also happy to be a member of PM&L and to be great friends with a woman named Christen who I think is the best. She will be 40 on Christmas and doesn't have kids so we can relate to each other in that way.
I think about moving. The taxes in IL are ridiculous and now that we will be getting Lake Michigan water, they will just go up even more. Sometimes I think I just need to do something.. so my head starts thinking about making changes. When I'm bored, that's what I do.
I was asked to work at MAC again for the holidays but that is HARD work and not only a lot on me physically but emotionally. Those girls weren't the nicest of women. The one guy I liked left. There are two other women there that I do like but there are a lot there that I don't. I feel like the nerd kid in high school all over again. Plus, I would have to buy new clothes again because I don't fit in any from last year.
I wanted to clean today. I was doing a little cleaning everyday this week like one thing at a time but today is a bad pain day. The upstairs needs to be clean and it just bugs me that I can't do it. I hate just sitting around on days like this.
I bet everyone thinks I am such a loser and lazy and there isn't much I can do to change anyone's mind. Not that I have to. It just makes me feel pointless. I am so thankful I still have friends to talk to everyday or else I may just lose it completely.
I can't wait until winter is over though so I can audition some more. There are no guarantees I will get another part in anything but it was fun even when I was nervous or pacing around all day going over my lines. Haha That was most of my day so when I forgot a line, I freaked out. I put such high expectations on myself that when I don't meet them I breakdown and I breakdown hard. Suddenly, I just want to walk away from whatever it was.
There are so many people that have an image of what life should be.. Marriage, house, kids, retire, grow old, have grandchildren, and then that's it. I have a great marriage, a beautiful home... and.... well that's it. Sometimes I want to sell everything and travel. Usually I think I am crazy and I wouldn't want to do that to Dustin. He isn't against it but I would feel guilty if something didn't go right or we didn't have enough money to live on or something.
There is soooo much in the world to do and I'm almost 37 already. This is not where I saw my life going other than the marriage. I never wanted the wedding. I just wanted to be married. Happily married and I have to say that it goes a long way to be with someone that makes you laugh and that makes each day brighter. At least on my end! lol Hopefully his too ;)
I guess today is just a day for me to reflect while I lay here in pain but thoughts can be a dangerous thing. I always wanted to learn another language, take cooking classes, even take photography classes but all I hear is $ $ $ $. They even have a class at CLC for special effects makeup which would be awesome but again $ $ $.
If I worked I wouldn't be able to do it (at least from where I used to work) but now I can and have no money. What a messed up world.
I miss having money to ease some worries but God will provide and bless us soon.
I never thought I would say this, but I miss work. I don't miss where I did work necessarily because quite honestly it was time to move on a LONG time before I did. I miss the extra money. I miss the social interactions. I miss my old friends who worked there. I am thankful I got to do the play which, if I was still working, I wouldn't have been able to do. I am also happy to be a member of PM&L and to be great friends with a woman named Christen who I think is the best. She will be 40 on Christmas and doesn't have kids so we can relate to each other in that way.
I think about moving. The taxes in IL are ridiculous and now that we will be getting Lake Michigan water, they will just go up even more. Sometimes I think I just need to do something.. so my head starts thinking about making changes. When I'm bored, that's what I do.
I was asked to work at MAC again for the holidays but that is HARD work and not only a lot on me physically but emotionally. Those girls weren't the nicest of women. The one guy I liked left. There are two other women there that I do like but there are a lot there that I don't. I feel like the nerd kid in high school all over again. Plus, I would have to buy new clothes again because I don't fit in any from last year.
I wanted to clean today. I was doing a little cleaning everyday this week like one thing at a time but today is a bad pain day. The upstairs needs to be clean and it just bugs me that I can't do it. I hate just sitting around on days like this.
I bet everyone thinks I am such a loser and lazy and there isn't much I can do to change anyone's mind. Not that I have to. It just makes me feel pointless. I am so thankful I still have friends to talk to everyday or else I may just lose it completely.
I can't wait until winter is over though so I can audition some more. There are no guarantees I will get another part in anything but it was fun even when I was nervous or pacing around all day going over my lines. Haha That was most of my day so when I forgot a line, I freaked out. I put such high expectations on myself that when I don't meet them I breakdown and I breakdown hard. Suddenly, I just want to walk away from whatever it was.
There are so many people that have an image of what life should be.. Marriage, house, kids, retire, grow old, have grandchildren, and then that's it. I have a great marriage, a beautiful home... and.... well that's it. Sometimes I want to sell everything and travel. Usually I think I am crazy and I wouldn't want to do that to Dustin. He isn't against it but I would feel guilty if something didn't go right or we didn't have enough money to live on or something.
There is soooo much in the world to do and I'm almost 37 already. This is not where I saw my life going other than the marriage. I never wanted the wedding. I just wanted to be married. Happily married and I have to say that it goes a long way to be with someone that makes you laugh and that makes each day brighter. At least on my end! lol Hopefully his too ;)
I guess today is just a day for me to reflect while I lay here in pain but thoughts can be a dangerous thing. I always wanted to learn another language, take cooking classes, even take photography classes but all I hear is $ $ $ $. They even have a class at CLC for special effects makeup which would be awesome but again $ $ $.
If I worked I wouldn't be able to do it (at least from where I used to work) but now I can and have no money. What a messed up world.
I miss having money to ease some worries but God will provide and bless us soon.
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