adoption...
To anyone listening,
I feel a real sense of pain for the baby we might adopt. I am still feeling held back because of money but also because some people aren't as excited as they were when I was pregnant. It's like a disappointment for some people that we are thinking of taking this path. I am already feeling a protective feeling for the baby. Like I don't want them exposed to people that might think that way. Maybe it's the passing on of genes or babies that look like us and they feel a sadness that it won't be that way to certain people that bother them, but a child is in need. If we can love them and give them a home, it is something we want to do. Is it scary? Absolutely. It's very scary to have a child whether biological or not. I know once we start the process, there is no turning back and that can be scary too.
I was on the phone with the agency today and had so many questions and we barely started. We were accepted by the agency and had nothing but good things to say about our interview. One thing they said that I thought was funny was that Dustin reminded them of Tim Allen. Not in looks but personality which I was like ummm ok lol.
I am happy I have such a support system through some friends and some family that I desperately need and want. I would need that support whether it was adopted or biological.
On our second date, Dustin and I had discussed us both wanting to adopt or have one biological child but we both felt adoption would be the better option for us. There is no right or wrong when it comes to how someone chooses to have a child. I just get so mad and hurt when I hear the way people say "don't you want a baby of your own though?" Or "but it won't be like yours" Or "you won't be parents really" and well... they say other things too. I know I should try and be understanding of other's feelings but honestly sometimes it's hard.
Why is money and these peoples' words bothering me so much?!? I am disappointed in myself too.
Today is a bad pain day and I worry about that. Being a stay at home mom but having health problems. That's scary too. In the end, whatever we choose, I want it to be God's will for our life. If we adopt, then I will try and be the best mom I can be. If it ends up just being me and Dustin, then I will try and experience more of the world with him instead of having years pass and go nowhere.
I don't want to miss out on a life. I also have been feeling very useless in this world right now. I feel like a burden to Dustin. I love him so much and I don't want to make him unhappy. I'm not saying he feels that way about me, but it's my own fear. No matter where our life leads us, I just hope the next phase is a great one. If I have Dustin though, I know it will be. I just want to feel useful again but not have a baby to make me feel worth something. I want to find my own worth without a baby. Heck, I just want to find my own worth.. period.
Whatever happens, we need some good things coming our way and soon.
I feel a real sense of pain for the baby we might adopt. I am still feeling held back because of money but also because some people aren't as excited as they were when I was pregnant. It's like a disappointment for some people that we are thinking of taking this path. I am already feeling a protective feeling for the baby. Like I don't want them exposed to people that might think that way. Maybe it's the passing on of genes or babies that look like us and they feel a sadness that it won't be that way to certain people that bother them, but a child is in need. If we can love them and give them a home, it is something we want to do. Is it scary? Absolutely. It's very scary to have a child whether biological or not. I know once we start the process, there is no turning back and that can be scary too.
I was on the phone with the agency today and had so many questions and we barely started. We were accepted by the agency and had nothing but good things to say about our interview. One thing they said that I thought was funny was that Dustin reminded them of Tim Allen. Not in looks but personality which I was like ummm ok lol.
I am happy I have such a support system through some friends and some family that I desperately need and want. I would need that support whether it was adopted or biological.
On our second date, Dustin and I had discussed us both wanting to adopt or have one biological child but we both felt adoption would be the better option for us. There is no right or wrong when it comes to how someone chooses to have a child. I just get so mad and hurt when I hear the way people say "don't you want a baby of your own though?" Or "but it won't be like yours" Or "you won't be parents really" and well... they say other things too. I know I should try and be understanding of other's feelings but honestly sometimes it's hard.
Why is money and these peoples' words bothering me so much?!? I am disappointed in myself too.
Today is a bad pain day and I worry about that. Being a stay at home mom but having health problems. That's scary too. In the end, whatever we choose, I want it to be God's will for our life. If we adopt, then I will try and be the best mom I can be. If it ends up just being me and Dustin, then I will try and experience more of the world with him instead of having years pass and go nowhere.
I don't want to miss out on a life. I also have been feeling very useless in this world right now. I feel like a burden to Dustin. I love him so much and I don't want to make him unhappy. I'm not saying he feels that way about me, but it's my own fear. No matter where our life leads us, I just hope the next phase is a great one. If I have Dustin though, I know it will be. I just want to feel useful again but not have a baby to make me feel worth something. I want to find my own worth without a baby. Heck, I just want to find my own worth.. period.
Whatever happens, we need some good things coming our way and soon.
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