New friends

To anyone listening,

I think there is something great about meeting new friends.  They don't judge you based on what you used to weigh and what you weigh now.  It's a fresh start and you have about a billion questions about each other.  You find someone who has an amazing heart that makes you wonder why it took so long to finally meet.  It was all about timing which is something so amazing.

I am afraid to go out right now.  I don't like making excuses.  The truth is I only want to go out right now if I'm forced to.  I hate how I look only because I think people will judge it.  This new friend is going through something and she says to me that she would love to see me but the truth is basically she will only go out if she is forced to right now because of where she is in life right now and I really admired that about her.  It is the truth and if people can't accept that then it's like what kind of friend are they really.

I was gathering some adoption recommendation letters and thinking about how many wonderful friends I have to even ask of such a huge favor. It really makes you think.  Those times where I feel so lonely, I can text 5 friends who will reply and always ask how I am doing.  Not everyone has that.  I'm grateful. 

I might not have my happiness right now.  I am happily married if I haven't said that enough. Everything else is kind of lost at the moment. I think if everything goes through with the adoption and God provides the funds then my other happiness might come from being a stay at home mommy.

Right now though I think I need to find happiness in myself. 

Dustin's new insurance is going through finally and I have about 10 appointments I have to make lol.  I give insurance companies a run for their money.

Should I do makeup again?  Was I even ever really good enough at it?  I don't know anymore.  The extra money would be nice but the ability I feel is lacking.  I really need to do my own again because I am definitely getting rusty.  It's just so darn expensive to keep buying new products.

Anyway, I'm off for now. xo

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Because

  To whoever is listening:   So, here we are. Another day and a new pain. My neck this time. Sometimes I think about how different my life was before 2015. It was so much better. I was able to help both physically and financially. I was able to do things without pain. Oh to wake up in the middle of the night hoping it isn't pain that woke you.   Sometimes I see glimpses of hope in all aspects of myself. I've learned to appreciate some people more and I'm learning to shut my mouth more and more hence this blog where I just talk. Ironic isn't it?   I have an amazing husband. No one would ever take care of me the way he does. He loves me and works very very hard.    I look around the house and realize just how much crap I own and drawers to go through, closets to throw things out of, and then I look at a life that's lived. I'm not saying without stuff you haven't lived. I'm saying that for me, each thing was a time in my life, a memory, dreams, loves, and s...
Read more

Lies

 To whoever is listening:   I'm trying to figure out what are truths and what are lies... for myself, from others, for those I love. It is a painful thing to watch someone who means the world to you get lost in lies and destruction. I am not one to smile all of the time. I am one who has a sensitive heart. I am one who has hope in others but none in herself. I think about it but haven't given up. Please don't give in.. we can do this together Let me in or let yourself out I can't stop pain but with all the love I have, I would want nothing more then to take all of yours away. All of the hate, the anger, the lashing out, the pain I go through, all of it to see you happy. If only I knew what to say I know you won't talk to me but it doesn't hurt to talk to someone Please just know that when I look in your eyes, I see someone I truly love I'm hurting. It does make me want to give up sometimes. Raise my hands to the sky and say, "If this is what you want li...
Read more
 To whoever is listening: I just spent the last 2 hours crying. Not only from the pain. There are 3 things I hate when people say them to me: fat, ugly, annoying. I don't know what my next step is but I have to make one.
Read more