New Year

To anyone listening,

I hope everyone had a nice New Year's Eve and day.  I know resolutions are on the brain whether I say them out loud or not.  I hope to get disability this year so I can focus on my health and not stress so much.  If not, I hope to find a job that doesn't require sitting or standing for more than 20 mins.  Oh boy...

I would love to travel and get a different car.  Used or new I don't care too much just not very old in general and it has to be good in the snow.  I would love to adopt this year.

I think about losing weight all the time but it is so hard to find motivation with depression.  I just know I need to get out of the house more or this depression will get worse.

I am seeing a new therapist next week who specializes in loss and also with miscarriages.

During the procedure, I woke up and heard them suck out the baby.  I think that alone has caused me some restless nights and sad days.  Everyone goes through difficult times and some can bounce back quickly and some can't.  I always thought as I got older that I could handle it better but then this happened.  Does it make me weaker?  I don't know.  I honestly don't know why this one hit so hard.  Was it because the chance was so small?  Because it was our last shot? Because I was 22 weeks along?  Because because because because because...

Anyway, I used a gift card from Christmas to get a book of monologues so I can learn some to have them at auditions.  I can barely focus on that.  Granted I am sick right now so I don't want to focus on anything lol.

Well... I guess it is what it is but I pray this year will be much better than the last.



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