letter to birth mother first draft

To anyone listening,

We have to do a lot for this home study but one is to make a letter to the birth mother for our profile.  Besides pictures, this is what she will read about us.  I haven't shown it to the agency yet to see what to add or delete but here is draft #1...

Adoption.  One word filled with tons of emotion, questions, fears, hope, and the future. Maybe we have some of the same emotions as you do.  We can all come up with the “what ifs” or the “should I” or even “can I” questions.  I can tell you through all of the questions, the one that we always come back to is, what is best for this baby?

We both hope we could calm any of your fears by telling you, your baby will be happy.  Your baby will have a shoulder to cry on, be sung to at night, will laugh as much as we can make it, teach it as much as we can, have special holiday traditions, times of being silly, will be in a loving home where we don’t yell and don’t swear, where problems make us stronger, will be loved everyday and no moment will ever be taken for granted.

We are Debbie and Dustin or, as our friends say, D&D. We met when we were 12 years old.  We went to the same junior high and high school. Always in the same crowd but never dated. We saw each other grow up and noticed the good in each other without even realizing that one day we would be married. We are now 12 years into our marriage and not a single day goes by without the words “I love you” being said. Dustin went into the army straight after high school. Debbie went to ministry school to be closer to God.  Our lives and experiences were so very different but it was the journey that eventually led us to each other.

During ministry school, Debbie had the opportunity to go to Newfoundland for a missions trip.  She fell in love with the people there and still look at their letters once in a while to remind herself of the love she had for so many of them. Debbie worked with youth group children for several years, both at her home church and at school.  She had the amazing privilege of watching these pre-teens go through some of the hardest times in their lives to become the incredible adults they became. With a rocky childhood herself, she could relate to so many.  She often wondered why she went through foster homes, why her parents were not emotionally capable to raise children, why she was bullied in school, why did she go through all of the pain and heartache of what she went through and then her answers came when a child would come up and say “you don’t understand” and she could say “actually, I can.”  

After she finished school, she had the opportunity to travel Europe with her friend.  She visited England, France, the Netherlands, Monaco, Germany, and places in between.  She fell in love with Paris.  She loved it so much that she brought Dustin there for Christmas in 2007. She was also able to attend makeup school in 2007 and is a part time makeup artist in her spare time. Everyone is beautiful and she loves the fact that she can help others see some of their own beauty extenuated with makeup. Because of her love for Paris,  she even  decorated her makeup room as Paris themed. She also enjoys performing at her local theatre and doing what she loves most, acting.

Dustin decided after high school that he didn’t necessarily want to go to college immediately, but also didn’t want to sit idle, so he followed the footsteps of his father and joined the Army for four years.  He trained in radio communications, (which served him later on when he began working for Nextel and Sprint), but more importantly it gave him the opportunity to get out on his own and begin his adult life.  He developed some good friendships while in and dealing with the stresses and struggles of daily military life prepared him for the rest of his civilian life and to this day, the lessons learned back then help him deal with anything in his current personal or professional life that might pop up.  “Expecting the unexpected” is something that means a lot to him.

After our experiences with romantic relationships that were hard or some that just weren’t right, all of the experiences and schools we had gone through, we decided to meet up after all of those years and hang out with a bunch of friends from our neighborhood that we haven’t seen and have a fun night.  Dustin made the long drive from Macomb, IL to meet up with everyone.  Somehow, everyone cancelled and it was just us. When Dustin drove up, he liked to call it “love at first sight” because although he had seen Debbie so many times, it was as if it was with new eyes and really saw her.  Debbie became more comfortable in her own skin and saw Dustin as.. tall. Very tall. She never stopped seeing the good in him and when she saw him smile at her, she never wanted him to stop.

At dinner, Dustin had every kind of food that contained onion: French onion soup, a hamburger with extra onions, onion rings and, if there was such a thing, pretty sure he would have had onion ice cream.  At this point Debbie thought, there is NO way this guy is interested in me. No one would order that much onion without wanting to keep a girl as far away as possible.  Later she found out, he was interested too but just didn’t realize what he was doing.  Yes, Dustin just likes onions that much!

Long story short, 5 weeks later, we were engaged.  Yes, 5 weeks.  We knew each other for so long but it all suddenly clicked and we knew we should be together. We were married in 2006. We have traveled to Mexico, Paris, Florida, Texas, and Virginia together and can’t wait to see more of the world. We made a 5 year anniversary video with our videographer from our wedding and reenacted some of our favorite movies scenes. We even started the video off dressed like we used to in school: Debbie with her FRIENDS television show shirt and Dustin with his backwards hat and big glasses. We love to be goofy and have fun every chance we get. From wacky Christmas cards to dressing up for the kids at Halloween to give out candy, there is nothing better than to make friends laugh and make kids smile.

We bought our first home in 2012.  It is a safe neighborhood with neighbors waving hi at each other just driving down the street. Even our two kitties love it here. When we saw this new home with 4 bedrooms and a cute fenced in backyard, Debbie looked out the window of one of the bedrooms and thought, this is the view I want our baby to see every morning. 

After our second date, we talked about adoption.  We said we wanted to help a child and raise it in a loving home. After many years of the “what ifs,” we knew it was time. There is never a perfect time to adopt, just many opportunities to say yes despite any reasons to say no. After 19 years working in accounts payable, Debbie can now be a stay-at-home mom and Dustin has a great job to go to everyday in telecommunications.  We had our struggles with pregnancy going through 11 miscarriages.  In the last pregnancy, Debbie was 22 weeks along and her baby girl didn’t make it.  It was one of the hardest moments of her life but even after all of that, the phrase “you were meant to be a mom” still stayed in the back of her mind.  Through all of the struggles and pain, we knew there was a place in our hearts and home that still cried out to adopt. 

After so many years of being together, through the good and the bad, there isn’t a day that goes by that love isn’t here.  Debbie finally had a place to call home, a reason to smile every day and moments of laughter to remember every night.   Dustin has adopted this home and village as his own.  After moving around a lot his whole life, he has finally found a place to stop and call home.  He is a village trustee, helping the village grow in the right way and is also on the HOA for his subdivision and has helped keep it going forward, including helping upgrade the playground.  He is very proud of the direction of his community and also proud of the role he is able to play in it.  He is very happy that he is able to come home to a house that he can share with his wife everyday and looks forward to walking through the door each and every time.  He hopes that he can add another smiling face to that experience for many years.

We promise you that we will love your baby as our own.  We will take our wisdom with us down this new road and do everything we can to put this beautiful blessing first in our lives.  We will protect it and cherish it always.  It will be the child to bring our happy home even more love than we could ever imagine. In our lives, we have experienced troubles, heartache, hard decisions, and real love.  Love like we never believed existed and to bring a baby into it, would be the family we always dreamed of.  Thank you.  Thank you for your strength during this hard time and helping us all answer that one question, what is best for this baby?