wait

If I focus a lot on my past, that makes ME messed up?? Because I know I'm not perfect and I'm trying to find the root of why so I can move on in a healthy way instead of stuffing it down and saying "it's in the past" so basically "UGH just shut up and let it go" makes ME wrong? So everything that I have ever known as healthy is unhealthy? Healthy means to just be mean or sad or angry and are fine being like that? I might focus too much on my childhood and pain I have but I know it still screws me up so I'm trying to acknowledge it so I can say "oh crap, that's why I screwed up. I don't want to do that again. I don't want to be that" so I'm wrong...

Ok...... this doesn't make sense to me.

I take responsibility by saying sorry and thank you and I screwed up but that's wrong??

I guess it's better to just be like well, I'm right. Everyone else is wrong. Screw the past. Talking about it makes me ridiculous or too emotional so I should shut up.

So, if I discuss it I'm emotional and if I don't I am supposed to just think I'm perfect  with who I am forever, never wanting to get better because I already think I am great as I am?? If something still bothers me, I want to discuss it but never should. WHAT?!?!?!?

You know what, if it makes everyone else happy, I'll just stuff it down and make assumptions about people and things because that makes THEM feel better. No one wants to look at their past but it isn't wrong to. Not everyone grew up with perfection and definitely people had it horribly wrong.. things I can't imagine but it's wrong if they ever look back and think about it.

I guess I'll just say I'm fine and make assumptions. Stop being "emotional", stop saying "sorry", stop saying "thank you", stop trying to see things through your eyes, and I will just selfishly look at it through my own as perfect all of the time.

Everyone has issues. EVERYONE.

Who is the one that actually does "have issues?"

Wow. Dustin's been right this whole time and I was always looking through everyone's lives and blaming myself. Why am I blaming myself?!?!? Dustin was right!!!!  He was so right with all of that and I fought for everyone and let people tell me it was all me so they had a target. Dustin needs just as much "help" as anyone else. It doesn't make anyone better then him. You know what, forget you!!  Why did I waste my time trying to feel bad for other people and let them think it was ok to hurt me??  Because I'm too emotional? Because I am confronting my issues?

I would rather be too emotional then be a jerk and be ok with that!

I get it. I make other's feel uncomfortable so I need to stop. Huh.

I'm selfish and emotional...

Yes, I do need to let some things go but time doesn't mean "I'm over it." It means that I wouldn't want to look at it. Wow.

All I heard was look in the past, get better, discuss issues so it doesn't stir inside, God is love and accepts me as I am and knows I'm not perfect but apparently that is all wrong because I'm too emotional....

Guess I'll shut up for you. Enjoy. People can be awful. I think this is why I have the friends I have. They actually understand both sides and love me as I am.

Dustin is right in a lot of ways. I'm done.