Debbie's Blog Babble

To anyone listening, After what happened with Faith, I started to reflect on my own past.  Things I did and things my parents did.. I didn't have a happy childhood which is why I am so protective of kids.  Anyway, I was born into a family of 4.  My father, my mother, and my older sister and brother and I was going to be the baby.  I wasn't treated like most babies of the family are but that's for another time. When I was older, let's say 6, I was told what happened the day my parents found out they were going to have a baby. My older brother is just 10 months older than me so I guess you can say I was quite the surprise.  When my mom found out, she was devastated.  She didn't want a baby when she still had one in her hand. This is how my dad found out.  He comes out with a bucket of chicken.  My dad wasn't the calmest person in the world or kindest so you know how happy he will be to hear that my mom is having me.. yeah..... He opens the...

To anyone listening, Today I decided to go with a post a little less intense than the others.  Yesterday, as I was getting ready to shower, one of the smoke detectors went off.  Quickly I rushed through my mind what it could be.  Was I cooking something in the oven?  No...  Did I have a candle burning?  No... OH CRAP!!!!!!!!!! I ran to grab a robe and thought CATS!  I have to run to the basement and get the carriers and try to get them as they hide, always in the most inconvenient places. Then suddenly, it stopped.  I stayed dressed and out of the shower until right before my doctor's appointment just in case.  Btw, I think I should get my own parking spot and room at the doctor by now for how many times I'm there.  Just a side note. This morning I woke up with a bad headache and a sore throat.  I decided to take a nap and FIRE FIRE.  Of course it didn't go off when my tall husband was home to check the smoke detectors....

To anyone listening, How are you?  That's a hard question to answer right now.  I know it means so much when someone asks me but how do I answer such a loaded question.  When people ask me, I know it comes from a loving place and they truly want to know how I am doing.  I wish so much to give an answer that made more sense then bad, sad, day by day, etc.  I just don't have a right answer.  Have I laughed since this happened?  Thankfully yes.  Have I been thankful for every single person that has reached out to me in some way?  Yes!  I need that.  I crave it right now but then when it comes I have no answers.  I worry about what the other person is thinking.  "I hope she is better today because I don't know what to say" "I hope she is normal when we see each other"  I have no clue what people are thinking but I worry more about them then myself. My doctor told me to be honest and not to worry about what others mi...

To those that are listening, I was in the shower thinking about how I felt at the hospital the day after my daughter passed away.  I was smiling at the nurses and being polite even though I felt empty inside.  I use the word empty both physically and emotionally at the moment. One of the nurses asked me two questions that weren't in my file.  One question was what my religion was.  I also had the choice to not reply.  It was the first time I hesitated.  I didn't know why but at that moment but I felt so guilty.  I was a leader in youth groups, I spent a year in a ministry program  (another story ), and I was reading 3 books including the Bible to the baby.  Why did I hesitate?  I eventually blurted out Christian.  After she left, I thought about that girl that was asked if she believed in Jesus and she answered yes and then was killed.  I thought, here I am hesitating when that brave girl had no doubt.  What happened...

To anyone listening.. Most often I sound long-winded like some people I know which is probably why we get along so well.  Why would someone write a blog, I asked myself.  My answer was, for themselves.  It is to get all those thoughts bouncing around in your head everyday to make sense or just to ramble on about them.  As my cat sits next to me on my laptop trying to push herself onto my lap, I will attempt to write something.. some thoughts whether important to you or not, I think they should be to me, right? I am a 36 year old woman who looks back at my life and wonders what I contributed to this gift we call life.  My husband is the best decision I ever made.  He is at work now while I sit here.  He supports us both with no complaint as I sit here complaining about what I'm going through.  I disgust myself at times.  I'm a want to be actress, want to be mom, want to be a wife who cooks like my husband has wanted.  He deserves a co...