Debbie's Blog Babble

To anyone listening, Well, I keep getting emails saying my baby is almost due... soooo yeahhh that's fun.. Anyway, car issues strike again.  Doing research to get a cheaper engine only to have it arrive in bad shape is not a good start.  Luckily we can get our money back on the part but that leaves are car still not fixed yet.  Good times. I'm still waiting to hear back about a part in the play.  The amount of talent in there was amazing.  If I even have a background part, I would be astounded.  Either way, the experience is always a plus and it is always good to get feedback or just get my feet wet. I can't believe how much debt we are in.  We used to be able to bless people.  I really need to figure out the next steps for me.. disability, a low level job, or what.  Honestly I thought I would just be a stay at home mom so that didn't happen and we are too stuck to adopt.  I know I keep focusing on it but I feel I am to blame....

To anyone listening, Sorry, I have been having issues with the blog.  So today I audition for another play.  I know I am rusty but getting a shot would be nice plus the experience is always good. I wish I had some better news.  Our cat is still sick, our car hasn't been fixed yet because the stupid part hasn't come in, my brother said it would be cool to get angel wings tattooed for Faith which would be but it made me cry. I still have my moments where I can be doing nothing and start crying.  Dustin has been working really hard and I feel bad.  Let's see, we did see Shakespeare in the park this weekend which was really cool.  The actors are tremendous.  I haven't seen performances that good in a long time but it did make me miss acting even more. I have a wedding makeup trial in a couple weeks and I will have to clean and probably put Toonces somewhere so he doesn't vomit while we are doing her trial.  That would be bad! I think today I...

To anyone listening, Honestly, besides money, the main thing on my mind right now is if I should audition for a play next week.  I don't have a monologue prepared but I can do cold readings from the script. What if I'm too fat for a role? Ok, I have to just let stuff like that go so I'm not as scared.  If I get it, I get it, if not then not. We will see if I go next week.  We'll see. Otherwise, the pain in my abdomen is almost gone and I'm still waiting for the engine to arrive to start getting the car fixed. Other than that, I think a lot of people I know need prayer too.  I won't say who just in case but just remember to pray for those you love if you are a praying person. Even my enemies I pray for everyday.  Not to change them or to make them change but to bless them.  Even on the days it is hard to!!!  I have to remember everyone can be right or wrong from a certain stand point even when I can't see it.  It hurts me that people ha...

To anyone listening, The good news is that our A/C just needed a replacement part.  Back in 2014, I signed up for this monthly fee through Nicor to cover furnace repairs up to a certain amount.  I wasn't sure if it was still effective but thankfully I called and it was.  Our furnace technically wasn't turning on either so it all worked out.  Whew!  I added an A/C package for repairs too.  Not sure if I mentioned it or not but I was able to haggle a guy down for the price of an engine to under $1000 so that plus shipping plus labor is still about $1300 less than the other price quoted.  The labor is a lot but it is like over 13 hours of work.  I should have been a mechanic! As far as my abdomen pain, well.. it's still there.  My friend Lisa is so concerned.  She is so sweet.  She offers to do so many things for me but she does so much for a lot of people when it comes to health stuff.  If it gets worse though I promised he...

To anyone listening, I used to be pretty good at looking at the bright side or make jokes about things up until this year.  Now there is a problem with the A/C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The fan is running.  No popped circuit breaker.  No funny lights indicated on the furnace.  We always get the new filters. To top it off my husband doesn't want to be around me because I'm depressing. I feel so broken.  I know today is a bad day but I am really tired of bad days. I just give up.  It could be much worse but when you feel alone it makes everything just a little harder and waiting all week to not be alone only to be alone again just makes me feel so broken. Now I also have some horrible pain on my lower left abdomen.  I was just like for real?!? Soooo, let's start with the A/C first and go from there I guess..  Who knows, maybe I will win the Power Ball and be able to bless p...

To anyone listening, Well, the car is $2500 for the engine and $1300 for the labor.  Do we save the car and look for cheaper parts and pay the labor, do we get a used one and add to the debt we have already? I was kind of bummed we have to get money back from some events we bought tickets for.  You got to do what you got to do. My cat might have IBS orcancer so they have to do another ultrasound and then maybe a colonoscopy.  I've had him longer than I've been with Dustin.  He is my baby so I hope everything comes back negative but something is wrong.  I have been cleaning his poop and vomit like crazy.  I don't think our carpet cleaner has worked so hard.  It is frustrating but more than anything we just feel bad for him.  It isn't his fault.  It's on my mind a lot. Today I just decided to have some fun and go on a diet with a personal pizza everyday.  I want to see if it works to have pizza everyday and still have good blood wo...

To anyone listening, Dustin and I got to go to his Aunt and Uncle's vow renewal.  Five minutes from the venue, our car stalled!  I was like... you. have. to. be. kidding. me.  Dustin pulled over and we still don't know what's wrong but decided to just risk it and drive as far as we can. We made it to the wedding late.  We were so late that I took off my heels to run up the steps to make it.  We felt so bad.  We had to sneak in the back.  It was a beautiful outdoor wedding and I must say, the bride and groom haven't really aged at all!  I hope I look that good when I am married to Dustin for that long.  Heck, I hope to look that good now.  That whole side of the family is so good looking. All that to say is that we were really happy we got to see them and got to go and our little car made it.  We are so broke and now we have to take the car in.  I need a break!!  I am missing my second therapy appointment today because ...

In a nutshell, I'm depressed.  Today sucks.

To anyone listening, So I went to see the psychiatrist yesterday and a therapist today.  I knew a psychiatrist can give you medication but I thought they also acted like a therapist too.  I was wrong.  It was quick and she changed some of my drugs and I was gone.  I was the only one there under 70 and I'm pretty sure they all got there when they were 20 because the wait was that long!! The therapist.. well, I went today because the psychiatrist recommended it.  What a strange world.  Anyway, I came in with an open heart which honestly I wasn't sure I would have but I tried to. I guess anyone who hears a quick summary of my past and the fact that I had another miscarriage so far along brings any therapist to tears?  It was funny because at one point she said how grounded and strong I was and how I have a good balance in my life.  So the point of being here is..?  I'm not saying I shouldn't be necessarily, I just want to know why I should...